you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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