how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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