we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
