U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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