He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
