Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
