Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
