Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize