The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
