I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
