I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's the barista slut.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
