So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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