Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
