I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
