i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
