I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
