i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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