Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She bit a glass in half.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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