you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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