i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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