And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
