dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
