i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
