i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
