No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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