I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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