If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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