It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
