We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
