woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
