cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
