i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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