I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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