No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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