He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How naked do you want me to be?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
