Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
