well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
