Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
