Swine flu. Run for my life!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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