the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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