She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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