I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
