I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
