so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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