At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
