We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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