I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
