i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
