Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
