Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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