I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
