Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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