I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
