i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
