Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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