I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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