My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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