O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
