So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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