well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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