1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
