This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
