I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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