fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
