i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
