who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
