I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
