I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you never un-have a 4some
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
