I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
