Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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