He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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