OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
