Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just found puke in my bra..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
