We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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