how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
