Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
