I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
